You give me health.. That technicolored health.
January 7, 2012 § Leave a Comment
So I described my 2011 by listing quite a few things that happened to it. There was more that I could of added on to it, but I just forgot, and now I’m really not in a rush to add some more to it. Though a lot did happen in 2011, that is the past, 2012 is the present and future. It’s something that I am looking forward to, and something that I should be excited about.
2011 ended with how 2012 started, applying to jobs. Best Buy has been my life for almost six years now (granted there is a six month Apple Retail vacation stuck in there in between), but this is the year that I get out. When I originally applied way back in 2006, I told Bob, who was then a manager at the store, that I planned on staying there only for two years. Well, add four years, plus a few leadership positions here and there, and yeah you really got the jist of it. This is my life.
Retail sucks, ruins your life in one shape or the other. Thinking back on it, there is a lot that I have missed out because of retail, concerts, hang outs, visits, random things that I could’ve been apart of, but wasn’t due to me being stuck at work. Not saying that it sucks, because we all know it does, but such is life. To many of my friends, they’ve come accustomed to me not existing, as have I. I’m use to it as well. In some cases its better off that way.
Why? I don’t know, maybe its just the anticipation for me to actually be there is something that I enjoy. You know the reaction. I’m all about reaction. For that split second, the attention is all on me. Yet, I’m good on disappointing people and backing out last minute because of that said retail job, that no matter what, you won’t see me. You won’t see me at all. And suddenly that anticipation you get, the excitement that you get, the chance that you get to finally see me, turns into disgust and “typical Shawn”. I don’t want it to be that way we all know that, but the way my life is, I can’t control it. The job has more control on my life than I expected. So much for me only being there for two years.
That’s why I want out. I thought having control meant I could do what I wanted. Didn’t turn out that way. I thought, that hiding and now being in charge (kinda) would mean I get some freedom, boy was I wrong. But, it has given me a chance to apply to more jobs and actually take time, and care about myself. Which is something, when I was a supervisor, I wasn’t doing. It was the job first, second, third, fourth and fifth, then finally my family and my own well being being shoved down the line. A lot of friendships have been strained, a lot I am still trying to repair, and I hope I’ve done a good job repairing them. If not, I deserve it.
2012, is all about the restructuring of myself. It is my turning point. I want to be better, I know I can be. And this will start that. Applying every day to at least 1 to 2 jobs will finally get me something, it has to. I got to continue to think positive about this whole experience, because eventually, I will get it. I will get that job. I will walk into Best Buy, and go to my management staff and say “I quit.” That’s going to be the most rewarding thing. Will I miss the discount? No, because they took it away really, not the same. I will miss some of the people I work with, and I know I gave a lot of flack about that. But, it’s just because of my own self pity and self hate, that I didn’t care for those that I worked with. I was wanting what made me happy. I wasn’t okay with the current me, I was stuck on walking into the Village and just being able to relax and hang out and enjoy people that I truly loved and care about.
That isn’t the life I live now. This is as real as it gets. Now I am back home, and I have to try and grow my friendship circle. It’s easier said then done, and in some cases it’s not something I want to do. But, it has to be done. Am I going to forget the people I care about from school? No, there is not a day that goes by that I think about them, and me wanting to tell them that I miss them. But I don’t, yet I know they know that I miss them. So I don’t have to tell them that. It is something that we all have grown to know. It’s all about the reunions that we have with one another. The moment in time where we finally can see one another again. It’s a glorious moment, for however long it is that we finally got to spend time with one another. And it’s sad when we break away and go back into our separate directions. But, we all know one thing.. Eventually we will reunite, and that it will be better than the last time we saw one another, and so on and so forth.
2012, is my year. This is the year that I can say, I am going to make it. I am going to be successful, and I am going to enjoy what life gives me. And I won’t give up. My new years resolutions were (in no particular order)…
1. To leave Best Buy (finally…)
2. To go to some cool concerts.
3. To get healthier.
4. To rebuild friendships, strengthen the others.
5. Cut ties from those that I don’t need in my life.
6. Have love for myself.
7. Become better at reconnecting with people.
8. Bonding time with those I care for.
Like I said, this is the year I rebuild myself as a person. And it doesn’t start until I get a better job. Hopefully, I can say that I work at this really cool place, and do really cool things. But, I have to earn that, and I have to go after it. 2012, I am ready for.