It took until January 13 to get a response back.  It will now be on January 17, that I get the chance to interview for that position, and hopefully get to start the next chapter of my life.  This chapter is something that I feel will finally kick start my career.  It’s something that every little kid who graduates college dreams of: to get out of their originally part time, turned to full time job and use their degree.

Like I’ve stated many times, I’ve been at Best Buy for almost 6 years (well, this current run 3, since I took a six month vacation at the Apple Store).  But, I’ve always felt I was wasting what I learned, and wanted to put my craft to better use.  I know that its very hard for things like that to happen, I know its hard to really find a job in the market we have, but I hopefully found it.

Shore Thing Marketing, what a catchy name.  Funny in a way as well.  Has a nice ring to it, and since it’s close to the shore, they think its even funnier.  I don’t know, in a way I’m nervous, but in another way I’m not.  I’m ready for this challenge, ready for what this interview can bring.  Interested in what the next step might be for me.

I’m once again beardless (thanks interview at 11:45 on Tuesday), and soon to be missing my longer locks of winter (thanks again), but this is all for a good cause.  It’s good because this is for me.  And I’m all about 2012, being the year of Shawn.  I’ve already started my work out by Dad regime.  He’s turned into my under qualified personal trainer.  I’ve turned into his under qualified client who has no idea what he’s doing when it comes to lifting and the other stuff, but feel like I could do no wrong at this job.

In the end, things will happen for a reason, this could be the week where I tell Best Buy, “Gve me your knives, and leave the Top Chef kitchen.”  God, I hope that is the case.

2011 ended with how 2012 started, applying to jobs.  Best Buy has been my life for almost six years now (granted there is a six month Apple Retail vacation stuck in there in between), but this is the year that I get out.  When I originally applied way back in 2006, I told Bob, who was then a manager at the store, that I planned on staying there only for two years.  Well, add four years, plus a few leadership positions here and there, and yeah you really got the jist of it.  This is my life.

Retail sucks, ruins your life in one shape or the other.  Thinking back on it, there is a lot that I have missed out because of retail, concerts, hang outs, visits, random things that I could’ve been apart of, but wasn’t due to me being stuck at work.  Not saying that it sucks, because we all know it does, but such is life.  To many of my friends, they’ve come accustomed to me not existing, as have I.  I’m use to it as well. In some cases its better off that way.

Why? I don’t know, maybe its just the anticipation for me to actually be there is something that I enjoy.  You know the reaction.  I’m all about reaction.  For that split second, the attention is all on me.  Yet, I’m good on disappointing people and backing out last minute because of that said retail job, that no matter what, you won’t see me.  You won’t see me at all.  And suddenly that anticipation you get, the excitement that you get, the chance that you get to finally see me, turns into disgust and “typical Shawn”.  I don’t want it to be that way we all know that, but the way my life is, I can’t control it.  The job has more control on my life than I expected.  So much for me only being there for two years.

That’s why I want out.  I thought having control meant I could do what I wanted.  Didn’t turn out that way.  I thought, that hiding and now being in charge (kinda) would mean I get some freedom, boy was I wrong.  But, it has given me a chance to apply to more jobs and actually take time, and care about myself.  Which is something, when I was a supervisor, I wasn’t doing.  It was the job first, second, third, fourth and fifth, then finally my family and my own well being being shoved down the line.  A lot of friendships have been strained, a lot I am still trying to repair, and I hope I’ve done a good job repairing them.  If not, I deserve it.

2012, is all about the restructuring of myself.  It is my turning point.  I want to be better, I know I can be.  And this will start that.  Applying every day to at least 1 to 2 jobs will finally get me something, it has to.  I got to continue to think positive about this whole experience, because eventually, I will get it.  I will get that job.  I will walk into Best Buy, and go to my management staff and say “I quit.”  That’s going to be the most rewarding thing.  Will I miss the discount? No, because they took it away really, not the same.  I will miss some of the people I work with, and I know I gave a lot of flack about that.  But, it’s just because of my own self pity and self hate, that I didn’t care for those that I worked with.  I was wanting what made me happy.  I wasn’t okay with the current me, I was stuck on walking into the Village and just being able to relax and hang out and enjoy people that I truly loved and care about.

That isn’t the life I live now.  This is as real as it gets.  Now I am back home, and I have to try and grow my friendship circle.  It’s easier said then done, and in some cases it’s not something I want to do.  But, it has to be done.  Am I going to forget the people I care about from school?  No, there is not a day that goes by that I think about them, and me wanting to tell them that I miss them.  But I don’t, yet I know they know that I miss them.  So I don’t have to tell them that.  It is something that we all have grown to know.  It’s all about the reunions that we have with one another.  The moment in time where we finally can see one another again.  It’s a glorious moment, for however long it is that we finally got to spend time with one another.  And it’s sad when we break away and go back into our separate directions.  But, we all know one thing.. Eventually we will reunite, and that it will be better than the last time we saw one another, and so on and so forth.

2012, is my year.  This is the year that I can say, I am going to make it.  I am going to be successful, and I am going to enjoy what life gives me.  And I won’t give up.  My new years resolutions were (in no particular order)…

1. To leave Best Buy (finally…)
2. To go to some cool concerts.
3. To get healthier.
4. To rebuild friendships, strengthen the others.
5. Cut ties from those that I don’t need in my life.
6. Have love for myself.
7. Become better at reconnecting with people.
8. Bonding time with those I care for.

Like I said, this is the year I rebuild myself as a person.  And it doesn’t start until I get a better job.  Hopefully, I can say that I work at this really cool place, and do really cool things.  But, I have to earn that, and I have to go after it. 2012, I am ready for.

The past few months, I’ve stopped being a supervisor at Best Buy, kept my pay, done less work, got enough customers to cry to make myself lose all emotion, lost myself, found myself, confused myself, scared myself, drank myself to sleep, woke myself up to the sounds of dogs barking, fell back asleep to the sounds of dogs barking, wondered why no one visits me, wondered where I was, told myself “If Sheila can do it, I can do it.” Fell in love with Rivers Cuomo again, got a mix CD, became to lazy to make a mix CD back, got invited somewhere two weeks before the event was going to happen, watched football.

This list can go on, I think I shall continue it..

Watched hockey, started to hate Tim Tebow, started to like Eli Manning, started a chant, got written up at work for asking a customer “how hard do you want me to do it,” when told to “FUCK OFF MANG!” Found new music, not excited about lists, applied for jobs, updated my resume to the twenty-first century, got my swagger back (TRUTH), really not happy with end of year lists, updated my timeline, posted on someone’s timeline, added a new profile banner, changed my profile picture, whipped my hair back and forth, cut cars off back and forth, drove to Hoboken (NO JOKIN’ LOLOL), THANKSGIVING.

Still not tired of this list, it fucking rules..

Saw a picture of Snooki with a frog and a female Alan Mooiman, found out not all of gods creatures come in pairs, you know, wanting to go back into web design, designing my portfolio site, THE END OF THIS BLOG?!  Real smooth jazz, John K. Samson, The Weakerthans, Fallow and Reunion Tour, Alone III: The Pinkerton Years, The Pinkerton Diaries, Drag Rivers, poop.

Sweet, NEVER GONNA STOP ME…

Ended poop, laid in bed thinking, laid in bed wondering if I’m dying, girls with kids, girls with problems, girls with hatred towards each other, FRIEND DRAMA, friendship, end of friendship, end of the road, dead end, termination, rehire, just kidding, Christmas, New Years Eve, goodbye 2011, suck it, hi 2012, John Cusack sucks in that movie, Say Anything, High Fidelity, M83, Baltimore, Washington DC, DOOMED, New York City, ball(s) drop, Gaga, wonders why he listed three John Cusack movies.

You see this has been a weird list for me, I don’t think that this will make sense to anyone. But, I think we’re heading towards the final stretch of this list…

Weezer and Flaming Lips share a stage, proposal, OMG SO CUTE, no this is not Youth Lagoon, ugly bastard, terrible crowd, scared for life (again), met new best friend, “Who are you seeing?” “Yuck.” “I wasn’t saying anything disgusting, who are you seeing?” “The bands name is Yuck.” “Oh… Odd.” Church concert rules, twitter, follwers, tumblr, reblog, office screen caps, come original, why wasn’t I there? “My resolution is for you to get fit.  You will lose 50 pounds by your cousins wedding.” “Oh, challenge accepted.” “You had no choice.” “Challenge rejected?”

You see 2011, and the start of 2012, has been full of questions, concerns, thoughts, reevaluations, and its only just the beginning.  I mean I’m sure 2012 will be better than 2011, but don’t really want to bet on that one, because what if I’m wrong?

Or, in order to think positive, what if I’m right.

Well if I’m right, then it’s about time.  I rule.

I’m being so advance right now by blogging on my mobile device. So metal.

It’s been an interesting couple of months for me, with finally landing an internship (more on that later), dressing up as someone who gets murdered, and seeing the people that I love and miss the most.

So let’s start with that. This past weekend, I took a little adventure to see Keith and Mike in Baltimore, since it’s been awhile. And I couldn’t stress enough how much love I have for everyone, and how much I enjoyed the weekend.

From bar hopping, to seeing M83, to more bar hopping, and then bar hopping some more — IN COSTUME! This was the weekend I’ve been waiting for. Took awhile, but I needed it.

Just needed to get away from work mostly, still stuck at Best Buy, no longer a supervisor (thank god), yet still working way to long.

Yet, this weekend I realized how grateful I should be to have a job, even though I hate it. If it wasn’t for this job I wouldn’t of been able to afford a visit. So I guess it works out.

Lounging around, joking, making dumb comments, wondering through Baltimore just to find a main street, passing out on the floor, and taking it in is how I would explain my time in Baltimore.

A lot goes on at once with the group I hang out with, and it’s very hard to keep up and want to chime in.. But I honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends. Yes, I’d say I have 3 to 4 people at work I consider my friends and don’t have a problem hanging out with them outside of work.

There’s something different with this group, that I almost feel like its okay to hang out with them. They make you feel welcomed, they really enjoy your company.. Most importantly they love me for well, me.

It was sad to leave my friends, and sad to leave Baltimore, but that’s what’s gonna make it even sweeter when I see them the next time. The anticipation is killing me.

Oh, I write music reviews for a website. It’s called Verbicide. Currently I am angry at them because they cut out parts of my Cymbals Eat Guitars review.

Oh well. Quick question: is it time to go back to Baltimore yet?

I’m done with that shit.  There’s no reason to be so down and depressed all the time.  Ruins the fun and excitment about what else life has to offer.  And I feel like it has to offer a lot, so I want to be there to see what it can offer me, rather then hiding in my room depressed about certain things my life has given me.

Recently, my life has been rough.  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realize that its just going to be that way.  There’s no way around that unfortuately.  Life is going to throw you pitches right at your eyes, it’s your (in this case my) responsibility to be able to handle and deal with situations like that.

It takes awhile, but its something that I’ve grown to understand.

Other than that, still working at Best Buy, still applying for jobs, still learning to live life the way its meant to be, instead of the way I want it to be and want it to turn out.

Time to let things happen, naturally.

A lot really, all that I will share with each and every one of you people here.. rather than go up to you in person and share with you.  Just because this is possibly the easiest way for me to be honest to everyone.

I was doing great, honestly.  Baltimore came, and honestly I had fun with everyone that was there.  The drive to and from with Michelle and Tehila were great, couldn’t ask for better passengers in my car to be honest, and then just being in that city.  Keith and Mike are lucky to be living in such a historic city, with a lot of fun things to do so close by.  Made me jealous.  On the way there, Michelle asked me a question if I was jealous of Keith and Mike.  I thought about it on the entire trip, because you know I tend to dwell on certain aspects from time to time, and honestly, no.  I am more happy for them, then I could be for anyone else.

Keith has a great job, that he’s (hopefully) happy with, that he can honestly say he’s accomplishing just what he wanted to when he got out of school, and with Mike, he’s continuing his education at the University of Maryland such a great school.  Everything is going to work out, and everything is going to be great for them, and I hope that they prosper down there, and just enjoy the lifestyle that is down there because its totally different from what is around in New Jersey.  Totally different.  In a good way.

So, where was I.. oh yeah I came home from Baltimore.

And, well that’s where shit got strange.  And not in a good way.

I get home, and instantly being at home sucks, going to work sucks.  Everything just sucks in its own right, and is pretty unfair.  I hate working where I work, there’s nothing that excites me about going into that store anymore.  I get angry when I have to meet someone that works there, at the store because of the sheer fact that I have to look at it.  I have to turn my head to the right, and look at that piece of shit building.  Things take time, and I like to think are going to change, but fuck.. when?

I decided, to start hanging out with the people that I work with, because since my sister works there now, they have no problem going to her to complain how I never hang out with them, or that they feel that I’m too good for them because I have another group of friends, that honestly I feel are more of a honest group of friends then the fucks that I have to deal with for 7-8 hours a day.  I like to distance myself from those I work with, because its just that, I work with them.  But after much peer pressure by my sister, I decided to hang out with them.

LOLOLOL, fuck that never happening again.  Just because all they fucking do is talk about work.  I have other interests, and I’m sure if they honestly took the time to get to know me, then rather knowning me as a mindless drone, that tells people “Hey, you have three eLearning modules to tak. But get this, if you don’t finish them, then I will sit right next to you, and watch you as you take them, and then you can go home.  Sounds good right?” I have interests, I have thoughts that I would like to share.  But, I learned that I can’t share it with these people, only except for maybe like one person, because she agrees that the place sucks.

I just can’t bare walking inside a store where I know I’ll hate my life by the time I walk out, and now that I have to worry about certain things, such as will my friends still be my friends after my consistent fuck ups that have been happening with me as of late, I just wonder, “Why Bother?”

Granted, this one is pretty bad, I get stuck at work because everyone decides to call out, and leave just someone else, and I get guilt tripped and forced to stay, this just isn’t what I expect from the place I work at.  I want to have a life, I need to have a life.  I just can’t right now.  And since everyone’s too busy jerking off, or whatever to do something about it (hiring people), I have to sit back and wait.  Just wait to see what exactly will happen next.

And I wonder what will happen next, I’m waiting for everyone to tell me how disappointed they are in me for certain things that I’ve done recently.  I’m waiting for people to tell me how mad they are at me for missing something.  I’m waiting for everyone to just walk away from me, and then I’ll be down to only myself.  Is this what I want?  No, but this is exactly what I am going to get, because this is apparently what God is telling me that I deserve.  And I think that’s pretty fucked up for him to tell me this shit.  Why?

Why the fuck do I deserve this?

The last time I wrote on here, I was waiting for Brad Richards to get signed by the New York Rangers (he did, by the way, Chris Drury 2.0 here we come)..

I was also talking about my current job situation, and how I was looking to get out of Best Buy, and make my life a happy one.  One filled with less retail, and more of what I want to be doing.. Something in the field of Communication Arts.

A few weeks later, I sit and find myself waiting still.  And I mean, it doesn’t bother me.  I have come accustomed to wait.  To wait for the things I want.  I want a job, yeah must wait for that.  I want to be happy, once again must wait for that too.

Nothing I go for happens, nothing I aim to have happen actually does happen.  I’m not happy with some of the decisions I have made to make me still at Best Buy.

Was my goal to become a Portable Electronics Supervisor?  No, but at the time it seemed like it was the right thing to do, so I applied for it, and surprisingly got it.  With my track record at the store at that given time, anything was possible.  So, I mean I could of taken something much more worse.  A lot worse, and would of enjoyed the outcome that happened.

I want to say that I am happy, that I am happy with where I am at right now.  That I am happy that I am still being a supervisor at a store that has slowly gone to shit.  Where I am seeing change happen in every direction at a very fast pace.  But, that’s retail.  Things are suppose to change.

But, why does it honestly feel like I’m back in High School when I go there?  Why does it feel that no matter what happens, this place reminds me of High School?  All the bickering, all the he said, she said.  All the gossip.

All this bullshit that I have to deal with.  Makes me feel like I’m watching high school children walk around and talk shit, instead of what they’re suppose to do. Sell.

I hate ranting about my job, because this job that I have is not the job that I will honestly be doing for the rest of my life.  But for the time being this is my job, this is what I have to deal with.  This is what I am going to have to deal with, If I like it or not.

When will I be happy?  Probably when I find the person I can honestly say I love and care about, and support them.  That means finding the job that will make me happy as well.  Oh, happiness.. you cruel, cruel idea.

Interview Wednesday it went great.  Almost too great.  On my way back home, got a call to have an interview on Friday.

Okay, that’s pretty awesome, fast response, and they want to see on Friday.  Awesome.

On the Turnpike, big truck in front of me, watched its tire explode, and decide to destroy the front of my car.

Well, not as awesome, but I had an interview Friday.

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE, LET ME PUT SOME KUSH UP IN IT.

Spoke too soon, as soon as I found out that I would have an interview Friday, it got taken away from me, and rescheduled for a later date.  Which means as soon as they feel its important to let me know, they will.  Depends on when they think is quick enough for them.

One foot was out the door, waiting on the other foot.  Instead, it feels like I waited too long, because as the door was about to close, instead of moving forward like any reasonable person should, I decided it would be okay to step backwards.

WHOOPS!

I don’t seem to have the best of luck, which I’ve come accustomed to.  But seriously, damn.  Of all the things I was general excited about, this was it.  This was the most important thing that happened to me since I don’t know when.  This job was going to be my way out.

Or was it?  Thinking more about this job, would this job have satisfied the needs I needed when it came to paying my rent, paying everything else I have to?  Would it of given me enough money to leave me with some breathing room?  Or would I have been suffocated.

You never know until the formal offer is made, but I was pretty certain that I was not going to get as much as I hoped, and I was going to be disappointed in what I figured would be the job that made me say goodbye to a place where I worked for 5 years (that’s not including a six month Apple vacation — maybe I’ll explain myself in a future post about that vacation as I like to call it).  Oh Best Buy, you still have me as your slave.

Now what do I do? Keep trying.  Keep trying to see if I can get anything.  Anything would be great.  I’ll take anything over nothing.  Just keep on trying, because eventually you’ll get what you want.

Easier said then done.

What will I be doing tomorrow? Waiting to see how much money the New York Rangers wasted on free agent forward Brad Richards.

After a whirlwind where I did not have luck getting a job that would relate to my degree, let alone an interview, or a simple “Sorry, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.” I have been getting e-mails back asking me to schedule myself for interviews for companies.

Usually, I’m not fond of change.  Change usually scares me, it makes me sleep less at night.  I remember me waiting until the very last minute when it came to applying for schools, because I didn’t like the fact that I was leaving home, and would start living somewhere else.  Living away from my parents?  That idea never crossed my mind right away, and maybe that’s why I settled for Community College for my first year during school, because that was a lot easier to handle than going away and living on my own without any support what so ever.

I have to do my own laundry?  I have to worry about feeding myself?  Oh, the horror!

And, I got use to it.  Sure it took longer than I think anyone expected, but I got use to it.  I think I finally got use to it, my last full year at Ramapo.  My last year at Ramapo, is still my favorite year all around from everything that happened.  From the beginning to the bitter end, when everyone had to leave me there for an extra semester, while they all decided that it was a good idea for them to graduate, I finally felt at ease.  I rarely came home.  I was only home if it was really required for me to be there (ie – sister’s birthday, holiday), or if I needed something.  I rarely slept, especially when it came to me having to work rather early the next morning (it was common for me to party until 4/5 in the morning, going back to my dorm, sleep for maybe 2-3 hours and wake up to get ready for work).  I did this regularly.

My last semester at Ramapo eerily reminded me of my first year at Ramapo.  Living with random people who had no problem smoking inside the room, being stupid enough to get violations whenever they felt fit.  So where was I most of the time? Home, because that was safe.  I wasn’t going to get a violation while being home.  I wasn’t there, so there was no need for me to worry about getting a violation.

Looking back at that semester, maybe I should of manned up and dealt with what I had to deal with.  Just, dealt with the shit and chugged on.  I feel like I missed a lot nothing anyway, so it was fine that I went home.

That semester was not anything near the greatness of my final full year, and everyone who was at Ramapo, that enjoyed that year with me, knows that.  But we move on, and get ready for our biggest adventure.

Most of the people I have met at Ramapo are my closest friends, and I can see them being my friends for a really long time.  I can see them being involved in my wedding party when I get married, and I know its going to be a hard decision to decide on who my best man for the wedding would be because they’re so many qualities I love about each and every one of them, that it’ll take me awhile to decide on who it should be.

It finally feels like I’m on the right track, let’s hope I don’t screw this up like I’ve screwed things up in the past.